Tuesday, 3 March 2009

A New Special Relationship

Post number 203

Hammurabi applies

Militant Islam has been used to confront me, and even endanger my life just because I have adopted Jagjeet Singh Sandhu, a Sikh as my brother! He has taken time off and is on his way to Punjab with family for a bit of solace and regaining his confidence.

For now, I can only provide these names for the records: AIG/Barclays Bank/Solicitors Brethertons of Rugby England, phone number 01788 579579, email richardhopkin@brethertons.co.uk on the one hand and Job Centre Plus, Coventry England on the other.

It may help to know that Afghan Sikhs were given special status during King Zahir Shah’s reign. His press, instead of ripping ethnic minorities apart, built them up. This story was very popular among us the majority Pushtoons (pukhtoons): A Sikh was chasing another Sikh in Peshawar, occupied Afghanistan (Durand Line). The one giving chase was shouting: ‘you bastard, don’t you know I am an Afghan?!’ It may be for such reasons that Afghan Sikhs in the UK wear black turbans to distinguish themselves from other Sikhs. Will any one try to fight one of them?

Jag’s boss at the Job Centre Plus, a department of the Window Dresser Gordon Brown’s government is a militant Muslim woman of the type covered from head to toe where only the eyes are visible. Doggedly loyal to her employers (inherently), she has been made to throw her weight about the office and picking up on Jag who is disabled (like me at 65). Jag is told that he is slow in doing his job and that he is replaceable. Can any one imagine all this game playing? Any way, I’ve got to leave it at that for now and set new limits for myself:

I will expand the title ‘Team Leader, Earth Projects’: The principal focal point has been to concentrate on the human infant. It’s human rights have been elevated in my philosophies because I had earlier assumed that most of us may perish as a result of global warming. We need as perfectly as possible healthy and fit stock to repopulate Earth.

To do this, I need to be in – charge of all of earth’s soil, water, air, and human resources environments to ensure I achieve my goals. A human of such responsibilities needs to have boundless executive powers high above every one else. My philosophies give me that, and hence I am in - charge of all of you and your future destinations. It would be very joyously democratic if I did receive some comments on the blog on this point. Time will tell. Meanwhile, I will carry on without facing any obstacles. Fair enough?

With all that, I announce that the old special relationship with America that Churchill sat out all those years ago is null and void. That relationship was used either when America wanted some thing from us Brits or whenever she wanted to thoroughly humiliate us in the eyes of the world. This nation can provide ample examples of such humiliations (not forgetting Tony Blair’s current visit to the Middle East for the first time in two years!!!), I will suffice with one:

The decommissioning of the QE II luxury liner that announced British values and heritages around the world. Margaret Thatcher (our female Churchill) and Ronald Regan made a troop carrier out of it and destroyed it. On return, she continually showed signs of mechanical malfunction. Thankfully, Dubai came to the rescue and paid respect to our heritages and pride and gave QE II a permanent home as a floating hotel.

Thank you Dubai and thank you in no small way Peter Ebdon of British Snooker who has made Dubai home for him and the family.

I hereby announce that a new special relationship is cast with America as of now: It will be Britain now who will ask America for what we need but we will not humiliate. What I have done for America to date has been of no import to me, for she is home (sworn in as a citizen at US Lusaka Embassy in 1980).

However, wearing my British hat I can announce that I captured the acre of land in my Egham that Her Majesty the Queen was forced to give to Americans in 1957. The land is ours now and the American Monuments will be removed.

In addition, I conquered Virginia Commonwealth University with cries of help from my number one American woman, Karen Viditec of the University. I hereby announce that the campus is a part of British soil that I liberated from the hands of the scum bags Bush and thugs. The campus is incorporated as the latest addition to the Commonwealth of Nations after Mozambique. This action will ensure that I will not expect insubordination from tough nuts of both parties and Klu Klux Klan.

Mozambique will not be taken the micky out of, because they don’t speak English.

I know it is too much of an ask from Gordon Brown to adapt to his new status however temporary his position in British politics may be, but he should try his best. He will meet the president soon and will address both Houses.

At the same time, he mustn’t overdo it. This story may help:

A crow watched a partridge walk and liked the style and coolness. He tried to copy that walk. In the process, he even lost the ability to walk his own way, never mind walking like a partridge. He became a sitting duck for a stray dog that came over and ate him!

Now, we don’t want to see Gordon tripping over himself and fall at your feet before shaking hands, Mr President, do we?

The story is deliberately offensive. I have transported Afghan folklore and literally applied it to suit the American landscape. It didn't work, did it? neither did Coca Cola, Hollywood, KFC and McDonald, Shahrukh Khan and Bollywood may wish to take serious note before they make complete prats of themselves on those dance floors. The Afghans have got to put up with the Pakistani cap. Don't give them more shit!

Mohammad Karim Ahmadzai,
Team Leader, Earth Projects

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