Friday, 9 January 2009

A world communique. Force Majeure rules from Runnymede

Post number 57

President – Elect Barack Obama, Prime Minister Ehud Olmert - our own brother, Mr Hamdad – a Hamas political leader in Lebanon, Hamas military leader, Mr Isamael Hanniah – the democratically elected prime minister of the Palestinian people currently working from the Gaza Strip, Mr Barack – Israeli combined forces defence minister, Nelson Mandela, Desmond Tutu, Daniel Barenboim, Jimmy Carter, Lord Roy Hattersley, and Lord Douglas Hurd,

This is a world security communiqué on behalf of Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth of the United Kingdom and elsewhere.

1) “We” and “us” as before, and contains no religion whatsoever
2) The world is in a state of Force Majeure. Therefore, we assume our provisional powers defined in the immediate previous post number 57
3) Prime minister Olmert rejected UN Security Council’s resolution devised by Britain, 44 minutes ago. It is now 12:36 hours GMT. We fully support and approve of Mr Olmert’s rejection. We applaud foreign minister David Milliband’s tireless work and applaud him, nevertheless. Thank you.
4) Hamas followed suit. We give full legal (Force Majeure) approval
5) We impeach G.W. Bush and the ruling US administration with immediate effect from now
6) We empower professor (get some more Mr President) president – elect Obama to be inaugurated as the US’s 44th president with immediate effect right now
7) President Obama to use powers of the Commander in-chief and instruct US military at home and abroad to maintain world peace demanded by us. The Congress of Runnymede 2009 will issue legal articles peace meal as we go along. Particular reference is made to forces in Germany (NATO), the United Kingdom main land and elsewhere, Italy, Turkey –including the Turkish armed forces who are American for all practical purposes, NORAD near Norway, Iraq, Afghanistan, Djibuti, the naval base in Mombasa, Okinawa, the Czech Republic and Poland for now
8) No street demonstrations large or small any where on the planet is allowed with immediate effect. Organisers and those taking part will be treated as Neo Nazis and will be dealt with like G.W. in the new Universal Courts of Justice that Runnymede will formulate and bring to work
9) America’s world leadership continues but within the new limits stipulated here. In cases where President Obama gets stuck, then let common sense prevail with back up from relevant members of the Congress of 2009. the term “relevant” is hereby included in all previous written records of this blog immediately
10) The BBC global organisation and Channel 4 Television under the stewardship of Jon Snow, their news anchorman are our reliable sources of the truth. Jonathan Rugman of ITN Middle East is empowered to continue with his reporting to America through Jim Lara

Now team, ‘You Work!’ Manuel (Andrew Sachs) says. Have you given Jonathan Ross and Russell Brand some thorough bollocking, Andrew? Go ahead, mate. You will never get a better chance than now! Jonathan will be back with his www.bbc.co.uk/radio2 radio show and his Friday night thing on www.bbc.co.uk/bbc1. Well done BBC. World, you listen and watch. There will be new messages for you through Jonathan and others. Watch www.channel4/com especially Jon Snow’s News at 12 noon and 1900 hours GMT.

China, India, North Korea, Iran, and Pakistan. You all, watch it, Manuel says. Huhhhh! And another thing: Sir Alan Minton Sugar will fire you all. He is good at that sort of thing. He is a team member, you know?

Mohammad, Her Majesty’s Ambassador at large, Runnymede,

For Her Majesty the Queen

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