Friday, 9 January 2009

Some solutions

Post number 59

President Barack Obama,

We have not forgotten Russia in the nuclear equilibrium we calculated and published earlier. Let president Medevdev and prime minister Putin be as they are for the time being. We can't offer more.

Solving our simultaneous equations has dictates over time, so we (the mouse pusher) issue blog posts as often as are demanded. We have no control, and research demands we tell you and the world our solutions of the last hour and a bit to ensure world security. Solutions below are not necessarily in any order owing to how valuable and scarce our man-hours have become. Our input in monetary terms have become incalculable and if we were to ask payment from any one, they wouldn’t be able to afford us. You all be judges:

1) You, Mr President (our own as an American and we are able to divide loyalties as best we can), Channel 4, the Tory Party and us are using intelligence speeds that are delightfully scary! Ref: Apology to the McCann family – picture of the errant (equivalent to Phillip Hammond) together with David Cameron (wow!) – Caroline Spellman. The Tories are in the process of re engineering themselves to remove Neo Nazi related/born/specific elements from their ranks. BRRRRRRRRRRILLIANT!
2) Black canvas. We are touched, Jon Snow. Don’t know where to hide to conceal embarrassment
3) Somali pirates, $3 million instead of $22 million or thereabouts. Time given on Channel 4 news to air views saying the sea is not American, its Somali, etc. Who would have believed that only hours ago?
4) The Director of Public Prosecution seeing no objection to seeing sensitive trials seeing live on TV. This is mega major for Britain. All the bearded ones in future may be able to relate their stories live to the British public instead of being shown in hand cuffs, and electronic tagging devices, entering police vans. The public being then told what they had said. Major differentials are likely to become exposed for cases past
5) 4 above will establish understandings in the fractious nation with incredibly amazing and positive results. Leave it to your own imaginations
6) British Police giving details of crime case (car number plates, make and colour) for the public to become proactive and galvanise police and community together. This issue will at least contribute to removing fear and obviate the need for ID cards, bio bloody metric identity and the rest of it. Give Mohammad the money
7) ) How did you, Mr president re engineer Djibuti Mombasa, Kuwait, Saudi Arabia, Iraq to create environments that made at least number 3 above possible? You really are in-charge before even taking over (wink, wink. We two know better). What is important for us Americans to know is that WE already have the best president in the living memory who hasn’t even started yet
8) Our combined intelligences will give you weeks and months to predict occurrences long before the nation and the world experiences them. Aren’t you lucky we are born free to make them all real for you? Our efforts are real life physical contributions to our newly established shoulder to shoulder from which both of our nations began benefiting from. Take advantage of our born free "good well" outlook to help us all become born free

8a) 2 Senior Alqauda leaders killed in Pakistan. Dear, oh dear. Grow up Bush. This is more of the type: 3 missiles landing in north Israel, and the Muslim's radio announcement about Muslim youth terrorising the UK. Typical, absolutely typical. Hey John Cleese?

Other solutions derived earlier but shelved away because they will either have caused more damage to America if announced earlier, or will not have made sense because we will have taken big jumps and leaving you behind. We will have been condemned to for talking rubbish by the important few. You may still do but here goes:

9) The Pope is a Neo Nazi according to his own envoy Cardinal Martino. He said Gaza is a concentration camp, meaning obviously that Israelis are Nazis. We disagreed as quickly as we could because the Cardinals announcement was to undermine us by making the world believe that we Mohammad are also in agreement with the Popes envoy and therefore the Pope himself. We adopted Prime Minister Olmert as a brother, meaningfully (trusting our early derivations in blog posts April and May when we were having heart to hearts with Mr Obama and Mr Olmert at different times)
9a) Then we having become Mr Olmert’s brother also classify as a Nazi,according to the Cardinal! Now, the Vatican really has something to analyse. However, they are safe. For even if wrong they have the impressive historical record of 700 years to even think of apologising, never mind offering one. So, Vatican knows that in the coin tossing analogy: Heads, Vatican won, tails Galileo lost. Now, Mohammad will lose whichever way. If the Vatican doesn’t care, neither do we. However our saviour is that we have the task of making the world born free; all 7 billions of us, including the billion strong Roman Catholics. Do remember that we do not have a religion in this debate. The billion will be given born free benefits to enjoy in addition to what the Vatican offers them.
9b) we are no credit or shame to the nearly 1 billion strong Sunnis who do not and are not prmitted to have heads and hierarchies unlike other respect world faiths, including hte Shiites in Isalm.
9c) America should be and are proud of having re invented themselves to have given birth to the hope named Barack Obama. OK, a lot of it had to do with David Axlerod’s wizardry in the internet and even texting. He may have rallied America, but he only used tools as we do wool. What was his wool to the Americans?! That’s where the real hope lies, provided Axlerod is the monolithic and integral part of the team (no in fighting later)
9d) That was the good news. Mohammad and his wool + facts (Congress of 07 if any one needs reminding) has sat out to re engineer mother Earths man made and natural environments. His thinking outside the box is let us say unorthodox some how. It certainly is not and we repeat is not spiritual. His re engineering has bold things in it. His bold has hurt America. It will do so again. So until you see positive results, then prepared to hear now that
9e) You will loose Hollywood. They are and have been the propagators of promoting America’s Neo Nazism. The world is sick and tired of seeing World War II movies. Good lord man, how much more do you want the jews themselves to suffer? If they are eqaul to the rest of us, then why patronise them no end? What price does Hollywood want the proud German nation to pay for crimes that Hitler and associates committed not only against the Jews but the disabled, the Slavs, and others Hollywood forgot to make movies about?
9f) America will loose the Oscars Awards and import for it’s association with 9e) above
9g) Ditto but Steven Spielberg with added crimes for breaking up families, encouraging breakdown of discipline in class, breaking the law if your bicycle can fly, etc. We are talking ET, of course, the lovable family favourite, where a single mom, although missing the husband from time to time, really does not have major financial problems in paying the bills. The clever message was (and Steven knows it) although she complained about stains not having come off in dry cleaning (contrary to logical deductions, this is not for the purposes of dry cleaning beneficial aspects. Far from it) that if she can afford dry cleaning at all, then she is fairly comfortable and well off. Dry cleaning was and still bay be in the US a luxury (not the precise word) expenditure. So, no problems. Go and become a single mom family. We understand Steven has at least one charity where he provides finances for Indian children receiving heart surgery and transplants. What else does the genius of ET transplant in the Indian kids? His contributions to Hollywood tilts him towards being a Neo Nazi, research has led us to deduct

As to what gains will come America’s way, we do not know yet. Or if we did, this is not the right time to tell. We will ensure a stable America to lead us but positively this time round. As far as gains are concerned, do not expect many. Because America grabbed so, so much at the expense of others, her losses may outweigh her gains.

Mohammad,

For Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II

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