Friday, 19 December 2008

British Rare Breeds of Sheep

Post number 33

Frankly, after the close of business hours yesterday, when no one called us (Greenpeace, Soil Association, Melchet, and Sauven), we felt embarrassed beyond belief. We know we remained calm and didn’t tell you our inner emotions, but knowing us by now, you would have expected us to feel like the lot of them unexpectedly walked onto a podium where we were just about to deliver a speech to you and they each farted aloud! We were expecting at least one of them return our call more for their sake than ours - owing to the gravity of the situation for them. Didn't they care that we will have recorded in public, a differential between their public images and their utter ineptness and empty heads, in their own fields, had they not responded?

For us, it was as though the smell blew us away and the loud sound through the PA system sent you, the audience, into roars of uncontrollable laughter. Drenching with sweat, it was as though we slipped out and laughed too, all the way home, taking the risk of being picked up and driven straight to a mental health hospital.

If we are not tunnel vision and cocooned in our own little world, then allow us to say that we do not have the lingual fluency or skills in popular culture (comedy) to relate to you the aftermaths of just one Sunami that hit us yesterday as we promised you they all will. We will say this, though:

How will any of these people and organisations justify their very existence and be courageous enough to get out there and do to Britain more of what they have done for eons? We now assume with some degree of authority that on the whole, the British public are against GM produce and products although some may have never heard of BT cotton. The public may react in a strong fashion. It is a matter of just when.

Britain has contact details of these people now. Email them, phone them, form blogs, and use imaginary knitting café. Don’t get out on the streets. We will not be responsible. If no one reacts, then Britain has really been hypnotised in the last 20years and the nation no longer know where or who they are. One way or the other, we will have recaptured grounds taken away from Britain a whole lot speeder than lost gradually.

With that positive note, we will get back to work with wool, the ‘guide dog’, to regain some of our dignity.

British Rare Breeds of Sheep:

Unlike Woody Allen’s moose (he is terrified of being reincarnated into one) Exmoor Horn Sheep is not as dumb as it may look on pictures. In fact, the sheep is very smart. It helped us catch a bunch of thieves and time bandits, wasting quality time at the UN, Gordon Browns office and many other important places including Newsnight studios and air time. Have them chased out Gordon. In fact, the German government and the UN planned to remove the charity status from Greenpeace. For the sake of the International Year of Natural Fibres, do it and do it now. Wool, the guide dog, has already done humanity a great deal of justice, wouldn't you all say? The fibre of the gods, indeed.

Mrs Gina Rawle is the secretary on +44 01643 831593, Andrew and Sarah Dixon of Andrews on the Weir Restaurant even do MUTTON dishes. They have a MUTTON Renaissance Club too. Mr Edward Harding is a founding member of the Society that has a history of more than 100 years. He knows all about the sheep and will tell you that the Horn has a thick skin (not dumb) and wool that makes them resist cold winters of -4 and -5 degrees centigrade. The knitting café steering committee (there you go) may like to know more and colour code wool bracelets (range of merchandise) with corresponding info on website. You will get to know that Mr Harding promotes the Horn for their ‘fast growing lamb’ properties.

Exmoor National Park Sustainable Development gave the society a grant for promotion and publicity. A promotion and publicity centre such as the knitting café right here in London may also qualify for grants for publicity and promotion.

Dr Nick Evans, principal lecturer in geography and team at University of Worcester (pronounced Wooster) work on issues such as geographical distribution versus disease (both foot and mouth and blue tongue). They also work on Dartmoor White Face, another rare breed.

The steering committee of the knitting café may also look up Rare Breed Survival Trust to gather more data on other rare breeds and for a business plan. We will keep on contributing as part of CCCC social responsibility drives.

Briefly, back to the beginning of this post: As some of you may have expected, we finished speaking to Emma Hockridge of the Soil Association just now (10:22 hours GMT), and may have been on the phone for 10 minutes. Long enough to give her a brief of proceedings to date and the theme of post number 32 of yesterday.

During the conversation Ms Hockridge asked US to send her some info on the GM situation! We paused and said to her that we were stunned with silence. When we reasoned that it should be the Soil Association who should supply the likes of us the public with assurances on the subject, she promised to post comments on our blog. Now that is more like it.

We concluded the call by informing Emma that we make no apology for the podium analogy above where Lord Melchet and Mr Sauven among others are portrayed as stinking farts. The end justifies the means, but we promise never to sink so low ever again. We feel terrible, but will recover in an hour.



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